I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
