Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
