I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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