My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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