I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
