omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All the doctor said was why
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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