There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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