Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
