so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
