So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
