Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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