I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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