just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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