She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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