I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize