you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
