3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
