I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
