Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
