we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize