my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
