What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
