I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
