Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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