So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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