I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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