So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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