Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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