Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
