Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
