Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
