Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
