Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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