im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
