do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bring me that man meat
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
