My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
