My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize