Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
