operation have a gay friend backfired
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
