What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
