One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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