The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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