when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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