I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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