Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize