were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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