I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
