my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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