Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
