Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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