I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
