I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
