White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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