Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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