worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
