i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
