ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
