I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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