After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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