I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
