Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
