Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
