yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
