Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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