Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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