He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
