Im at strip club and am horny
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
