I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
