Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
