Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
