i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
