he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
