just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize