the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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