Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize