when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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