i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
