drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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