So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
