thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
