Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now

(604): View more from British Columbia

That's weird, I usually just count sheep

Fav 14 1497 3786
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(302): View more from Delaware

She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

Fav 25 5281 780
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(909): View more from California

it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines

Fav 9 1695 2900
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

Fav 16 6339 1322
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(917): View more from New York City

someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.

Fav 6 4267 1274
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(850): View more from Florida

Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.

Fav 18 4438 2052
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.

Fav 5 573 1117
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(713): View more from Texas

Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed

Fav 0 671 408
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(317): View more from Indiana

Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?

Fav 0 49 11
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