First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
