it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
