I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
