There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
