Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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