I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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