There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
