Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
