i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You made out with two different species that night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
