i can't believe i had my finger in that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
